Someone shit on the floor
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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