# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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