Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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