Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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