around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
