Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
