Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
