you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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