I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
