Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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