She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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