I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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