the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
