haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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