I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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