I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
