for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do vagina's smell?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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