Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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