Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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