This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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