Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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