Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
