dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
