I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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