i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
