A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
