batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
