alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
