this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
