Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
