i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
