I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
