imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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