I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
