So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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