dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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