Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
