we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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