So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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