holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
