i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
