It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
