tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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