i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
