btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
