What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
