you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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