Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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