I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
