Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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