I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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