why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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